Beautiful
by MilesTailsPrower-007
Summary: The influence of motherly and sisterly presences in the life of Edward and Alphonse, from Trisha and on, and how they brought some warmth to their tired souls. I tried to be simultaneously canon to both the manga and anime storylines. [No OCs or pairing!
1. Mother

**_Author's Note: _**_This first chapter is sad, but I promise the ones to follow won't be. Expect motherly figures and brotherliness in general. I cried while writing this. I think I was thinking into it too much. Hmm. Reviews appreciated! Thanks for reading. :)_

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The second night after Trisha Elric passed away was the most terrible Edward could remember having, and it had clearly stood as the worst ever since. It was by this point, amidst the confusion and the funeral arrangements, that it had finally begun to set in on him and his brother that Mother wasn't going to come back. The first night hadn't been as terrible. There has still been shock then. They had become slightly accustomed to their mother not being around because of her ailment. But they had had hope. It was the second night that was painful. It was then, without a doubt, it really felt like Mother had gone somewhere far off and unreachable. Somewhere where her smile couldn't be seen, and where her soft hands couldn't heal their wounds. She was beyond their reach.

And it was after the shock had begun to wear away that the pain started.

It hit Alphonse like a storm. He could hardly do a thing. He just cried long and hard. The sobs never tired and the weeping pleas didn't stop. Ed felt helpless to watch him like that. It appeared that Al felt like if he cried long and hard enough, Mother would come home to them and dry his tears again. But she didn't. Ed had never been good with words of comfort. It was his mother, too, after all. What could he say to make it better? This was his wound to cope with as much as it was Al's. Winry, however, provided at least a little consolation. She had lost both her parents in one day, several years prior. She held him for a long time without a word. Edward had just assumed there was nothing left to do but let him cry himself out. Besides, how could he be any kind of guiding light if he was every bit as lost?

Ed spent that second day wandering the open hills, hands stuck deep in his pockets, head stuck deeper in thought. He didn't cry much. At the most hopeless points of thought, a tear or two would fall, but not much more than that. He didn't want to see his brother grieve like this anymore, or hear the adults talk in sad hushed voices like they had just prior to his mother's death. There had to be some kind of a way around this. It couldn't just be the end. And he was determined to find a way around this blockade.

* * *

Then came the horrible night. It was marked forever in his memory as one of the worst nights of his life, followed extremely closely by the night they lost their bodies, which, at that point, had been yet to come.

What made it distinctly horrible at first was the quiet. Night had never, ever been this quiet. Alphonse wasn't even crying by then. Ed thought maybe his assumption about 'crying himself out' had been right, and he just had nothing left to cry with. After Ed had wandered the hills, still lacking any means of a plan, he had returned to the Rockbell's, where Pinako had kindly offered to have them stay for dinner. Now, they had returned to their own home. Their quiet home. Their empty home. Their seemingly lifeless and motherless place. It was like punishment. When nightfall had come, blanketing the sleepy countryside in darkness, they had gone up to bed without a word, for what was left to say?

Both kept their places at opposite sides of the same room, but neither moved from the moment they'd gone to bed. It was a funny feeling, rigid with quiet. Neither spoke, nor moved a muscle, almost in fear it would make a sound. There was a strange expectation in the air. Every night, for as long as they could remember, and until she had taken ill, Mother had come upstairs to kiss them goodnight once they were in bed. They were mutually aware by now that they were both waiting for her to come, even thought they knew she wouldn't. It felt like a long time before finally something happened. Ed sighed, and the tension melted away. It was almost as if to say, _she won't come this time._

Much to Edward's chagrin, Alphonse started to cry again. He almost regretted having sighed in the first place. He lay quietly, listening to nothing but his brother's near-silent sobbing. Without looking, he knew the scene. Al would be sitting up, crying into his pajama sleeve, no doubt… After awhile, he couldn't take it anymore. Ed got up, crept over to his brother's bedside and softly slid an arm around his trembling shoulders. Tearful eyes, red from crying, looked up at him. "…Ed?"

He didn't say a word, and hugged his little brother to his chest with one arm. Al gave in and leaned into his shoulder. His tears became completely silent again. "She's not coming back, is she..?" he asked, his voice faraway and sad. Edward wasn't going to answer that. They stayed this way for awhile. It was peculiar… as though regardless of how far away Mother seemed now, she seemed just a little closer while he was holding his brother.

"I want you boys to look out for each other," said Trisha in his memories.

Ed held Al a little closer. He could feel it undeniably now. There was a little bit of warmth inside the coldness his heart had become over the past few days. Warmth that was Mother. That warmth gave him hope. A tear fell down one cheek, but he pretended not to notice. Mother's funeral was to be in the morning, but even now, something was being put together in his mind, for he had just recalled a book he had once read… one that might make it so his little brother wouldn't need to cry anymore.

Mother would come home.

* * *

It was quarter after eleven when Alphonse fell asleep. His tears had dried for now, and Ed felt by looking at him that he would probably make it through the night okay. But Ed didn't want to sleep. He wanted to confirm his thoughts first. He went quietly to search for Father's books, and he found the one he wanted. It was an old thick leather volume with a chapter index in Roman numerals, and the reading of that index was what added to the blow of one of the worst nights he would come to remember.

_Chapter XIII_: _Human Transmutation_.


	2. Teacher

_**Author's Note: **The site isn't letting me use those little paragraph divider thingies. Sorry if anyone gets confused with the small time lapses. I'll try to add the dividers later. Uh... yeah. I'm trying to fit this into the manga and anime simultaneously, so there won't be any of the anime-version of Sloth. I hope this isn't boring you to death! XD_

Morning.

Mother's funeral. The first half of the day was clear and pleasantly warm. A kind breeze rolled across the hills. The brothers were to meet at Pinako's house before ten o'clock to have breakfast and get ready for the funeral. Al's head was swimming and he followed Ed around in a hopeless daze. Ed had nothing more to think about. His face was solid as brick.

Winry greeted them outside the front door of her house, Den at her side. The dog barked excitedly as Ed and Al approached. He was used to them—they'd been around since before he had and were present the day Winry had received him as a gift from her parents. They were part of the Rockbell house as much as Den was. Winry smiled sadly as Ed brushed past her, younger brother in tow, black clothes draped over his arm. "Good morning, Ed and Al," she said, with what sounded like hopeful sweetness. "I'm glad you made it. Granny thought you might be late..."

Ed didn't say anything.

Al paused in the doorway of the Rockbell house to look back at Winry, her blonde hair shining lightly in the mid morning sunshine. "I'm sorry, Winry," he said to her, his voice hurt, although apologetic. "Ed and I are just…"

The girl's expression softened with understanding. "I know, Al…"

He nodded softly and followed his brother into the house.

The funeral was at eleven, but it felt like time had fallen away sometime after Mother had. Ed was much too absorbed in his own conclusion to say anything to the various adults who had offered their condolences. They said they 'understood what he must be going through'. That wasn't possible. Did those adults know what it felt like to know your younger brother cried himself to sleep? They could keep their sympathy. It wasn't going to bring Mother back. But Ed knew what was.

The funeral proceedings were dull and slow. Some people cried. It felt strange to be dressed up for this. These clothes had been used for church only before now… but Ed supposed that this was as much as mass as any Sunday one they'd ever attended for any other reason. People he had never seen dress up were now cloaked morbidly for the burial of his precious mother. Even Pinako had laid aside her apron and pipe. Next to him, all Alphonse could do was sob as Mother's death was truly confirmed by prayer and burial. All Ed could do was watch with a straight face.

This was not going to be the end.

The brothers remained at the tombstone long into the day, not leaving its side even after the other people had gone away. Her stone became obscured by flowers from others grieving her loss, but none more so than Ed and Al. Father, who Ed now honestly believed to be the cause of Mother's death, hadn't even bothered to make himself present once she was gone. That bastard.

Even by now, Al's crying hadn't subsided. By now, it was very obvious that he and Ed had different ways of showing grief. Al with his tears, Ed with his face of stone and his far away golden eyes… But Al could stop crying soon. Edward was quite sure of that. This plan of his was going to work.

"How are we going to _do_ this?" Alphonse whimpered, fresh tears still rolling down his cheeks. "How are we going to live without her?" He looked up at his brother, eyes confused and pleading. Ed had to have an answer, didn't he? He always had one…

The elder brother was silent a moment. He didn't give Al so much as a glance, eyes locked on the carved stone; face straight, eyes still dry. Had he even cried at all? He furrowed his brow only slightly. "We're not, Al," he said quietly. "We're going to bring her back…"

Ed had always dreamt of getting a real alchemy teacher. He often daydreamed about being taught by a real master who knew all sorts of different transmutation theories, and could teach him new things that Father's books hadn't entailed. In his mind, the alchemy master was always a proficient older man with dark hair and stern eyes. Someone strict but intelligent. Someone who knew the ways of alchemy and could teach him, and somehow provide a fatherly presence in his life, which was something he had never really known.

Well, he'd been somewhat right.

His teacher was indeed proficient with dark hair and stern eyes. His teacher indeed knew the ways of alchemy. His teacher could, in fact, teach him new things. But his alchemy teacher was a woman… and she was bitch.

The idea of having Izumi for an alchemy teacher had seemed like a good idea at the time. She could transmute without a circle! She had strong alchemic skills and a solid demeanor. But she was strict and seemed unforgiving. She couldn't be the fatherly presence in his life, nor could she replace his mother. She could, however, teach him enough decent alchemy to make his plan work.

Ed and Al had both cheered up reasonably ever since Ed's proposal that they bring Mother back. Al was often filled with a nervous but excited anticipation when he thought about how Mother would be able to come home to them once they got back to Risembool. It would soon seem like she had never really left them! Soon the boys began to talk about her as though she weren't really dead—just 'gone away' for awhile, per say.

But learning alchemy wasn't as simple as lessons in a classroom, or writing with ink. It wasn't at all like reading from Father's texts and copying the transmutation circles found inside. Izumi had other ideas; the first of which was to prove that they were good enough to be her apprentices in the first place. So she left them on an island for a month to fend for themselves. No alchemy. No help. The only assistance she provided was in a single knife, and a few words.

_One is all, and all is one._

That, she had decided, was to be their motivating factor. Think about those words; what they were, and what they meant. Draw their meaning from the world around them. Figure it out, or she'd toss them back to Risembool. Thus, it was play her seemingly twisted game, or learn nothing from her at all. If they failed, they'd stop lessons without really having started them in the first place.

After one month of suffering and being maimed by some brute in a mask (among other 'minor' problems), the Elric brothers found the meaning of the words, and confidently presented it to the returning teacher, who was surprised they'd even figured it out, and lugged them back to Dublith in her little boat.

_I am the one and the world is the all!_

The principle of alchemy.

Izumi Curtis was the wife of meat shop owner Sig Curtis. He was a huge man of few words, quiet and broad. He rarely said anything that Ed and Al were aware of, except for the occasional grunt in response here and there. He was a little intimidating, but he wasn't so bad. Izumi, on the other hand, had silently been dubbed the "crazy sadistic witch" by Ed. She could almost be called beautiful if she wasn't so terrifyingly violent. Besides alchemy, she also taught them some martial arts. This was a good opportunity to learn to fight properly, and apparently the mind and the body needed to be balanced in a good alchemist, so she trained them hard.

Ed and Al started off as terrible fighters. They had thought the worst of their training may have been left behind on that island with the masked brute, but Izumi was ten times as tough. She was fast and agile and very, _very_ strong. She cracked down on incorrect techniques and used their margin of error against them when they failed to correct themselves even after the hard lectures on the importance of proper hip rotation and other seemingly useless things.

"Alphonse!" she would bellow. "That's not a side kick! Pivot when you turn, and retract your leg when you're finishing!"

"Edward!" she would boom. "Keep your shoulders square when you punch! Aim for the center line! You aren't going to hit anything with that!"

Sparring matches with Teacher were painful and tiring. She made a good job of pointing out their many mistakes, and then using them to her advantage. They knew she was going easy on them or they'd be dead, but even still, training lead to aching bodies every time. Most times, they couldn't even land a decent attack on her without being thrown into a wall or some shrubbery. At the end of just a week and a half, the Elric brothers were bruised up, battered and covered in numerous little bandages for scrapes and cuts they'd managed to acquire. For some reason that Ed found to be most sadistic, Izumi usually fixed them up after she fought them.

"She's just fixing us so she can beat us up sooner," Ed mumbled.

Training was always hard work, but they improved quickly. Ed and Al tried hard to push away discouraging thoughts with the pleasant one that once they were finished training, they could go home and be with Mother again. During a lesson that included both sparring and alchemic theory simultaneously, Izumi told them firmly several times that human transmutation was never to be attempted, because it toyed with the cycle of the very world itself, and death was not something meant to be undone. Besides this, the topic came up time and time again, as though she were trying to beat it into them as much as her hard martial arts training.

_Never, ever attempt to bring back a human being._

More training. More alchemic theory.

_Under no circumstances should you use alchemy to revive something that is already dead._

More practice. More sparring.

_To resurrect a person who has passed on is to disrupt the cycle of the world._

But the Elrics weren't going to listen to her. Izumi never knew Mother. She couldn't possibly understand how much they missed her and needed her to come home. Teacher didn't know the pain of losing someone so special. How could she? Izumi didn't have any children, so there was no way she would understand the bond they had shared with their beautiful mother. Forbidding human transmutation was just the adults' way of covering up their own failure. It was simple. Once they left here, they could have Mother back, and they wouldn't need to see Teacher any more. She knew they were currently parentless, but that didn't mean she would need to find out once they had brought Mother back. They just weren't going to tell her.

Izumi had never doubted the talents of Edward and Alphonse. They were gifted; both of them. She had never seen children their age master arrays so quickly and with such a deep understanding. Oftentimes, she wondered what drove their seemingly insatiable thirst for knowledge. They knew so much already, and everyday they learned more, but it somehow seemed like it wasn't enough for them. If they didn't understand something the first time, they'd both work tirelessly until it made sense. Until they could make it work.

They talked secretively sometimes. She'd never earnestly questioned it, though. They were children. They did need some time to act their age now and then, and if they could do it by means of brotherly brawls and secrets, she could deal with that. They were, after all, only children. Right?

Izumi and Sig loved both of the Elrics. Despite her nagging and often strict teacherly qualities, she still found herself able to soften up for them now and then. The younger boy was sweet and compassionate. He'd never hurt another living thing if it were avoidable. He followed his brother everywhere. Izumi couldn't help but smile to herself. The older boy was different. He was tougher. He seemed to make an effort to act older than he was. He swore sometimes, too, but she'd crack down on that. His eyes were golden and intense, and she never doubted for an instant that if there was something he wanted, he would do all in his power to get it.

One night at dinner, Izumi decided that in the morning, they would move on to more advanced alchemic arrays and possibly some advanced martial arts techniques. "Alright, boys," she said, cutting her steak with a straight face. "In the morning, we'll start advanced arrays, but only if you can prove you understand the ones I've showed you so far."

Advanced arrays? Ed and Al's eyes lit up. "Yes, Teacher!" they both chimed enthusiastically.

"Now stop chatting and eat your dinner before it gets cold."

Immediately, both ended all other conversation and started wolfing down what was in front of them as though they were being timed. Izumi and Sig exchanged sideways glances.

"Stop eating so fast," she barked, but they were done not even a moment later.

"Can we go outside?" Al asked hopefully. Lacking anything else to say, their teacher agreed and the boys raced outdoors.

"Did you hear that?" exclaimed Alphonse excitedly. "Advanced arrays! We're getting so close, brother!"

"I know!" Ed's gold eyes shone, and he grinned. "Mom will be home before we know it!" He fidgeted slightly at the thought of her. Mother, with her beautiful smile and gentle eyes… her hands that could heal anything. Everything about her was to be loved, even the way she frowned and put her hands on her hips to scold their wrong-doings. Oh, how surprised she'd be to see them again! She would probably be a little mad that they'd done something so dangerous, but when she saw their smiles again, how could she stay angry?

Ed hardly even gave a moment's thought to Father. He was the reason Mother had gone away, and now they would have to take matters into their own hands… without him. What good was he, anyway, other than as a deserter?

_Come home soon, Mother…_

The boys slept soundly that night. They never argued when Izumi sent them off to bed; this was partly because they were afraid to find out what she'd do to them if they didn't listen. Teacher was strict. But tonight, they slept with the pleasant thought of advanced arrays and the surprised look on Mother's face when she found herself very much alive and at home again. They were happy thinking of her.

Izumi; housewife, master alchemist and teacher.

She was not a mother, and from here on out, she felt she likely never would be. The most time she really ever spent around children was fixing their things. Every child in the neighborhood who had ever broken a toy had come to her at least once before. And she would tell them, "If you can fix it with your own two hands, do it. Don't rely on alchemy."

Because some things weren't meant to be repaired.

But tonight, with her quiet house, she felt different. She sat opposite Sig at the wooden table. Neither said a word. She supposed neither of them were really used to having children in the house. The ones she had taught previously had lived within Dublith, and just came over themselves. The Elrics, however, were a different case. Motherless and from Risembool. They almost had no choice but to stay with her. She had already become accustomed to them being in the house. And now, Izumi sat with her chin resting on her laced hands, silent and listening. There was no sound. The boys must have already been asleep, she decided.

Izumi pushed herself up from the table. The chair's legs scraped back across the wood floor. Sig glanced at her, as though asking what she was off to do.

"I'll be back in a minute," she assured. "I just have to check on something."

Ed and Al slept on opposite sides of the same room, as they had at home with Mother. They were used to it this way. Izumi had always wondered what she and Sig would end up using that room for. Now it was occupied. It seemed strange. It seemed stranger still having children in the house.

A soft crack of light fell across the dark floor in front of the bedroom door. It creaked only a little at Izumi's soft push. She didn't know what she was doing. She had merely found herself there. Something within her had inexplicably told her to go and check on the boys. Intuition? Clearly not. Both brothers were sound asleep. She sighed quietly, tucking a loose piece of hair back behind her ear. The boys were sleeping.

Her heart drummed softly. _Her boys._

They were her boys for now. With a gentle smile, she turned back down the hall to return to Sig.


	3. Surgeon

_**Author's Note: **If I'm going to try to find female figures to make little one-shots about, I might as well throw in some good ol' brotherliness. Pinako's tough to write. I hope I didn't make her sound too soft. Again, still trying to stay canon to the book -and- the anime, so I have to change some lines here and there. Thank you so much for reading so far! _

* * *

  
Alphonse's body protested as he tried to sit up. He felt strange. The alchemic fire had stopped ripping at the transmutation circle, and the fierce wind hand stopped thrashing the room. The mental image of Ed's hand reaching for his burned clearly in his mind. Ed? Omigosh! He creaked as he leaned forward, but didn't notice. He forgot momentarily about his own awkward self. Not far from him sat Edward, leaning on his remaining hand, his gold eyes dulled, staring with an air of hopelessness into the floor. Al didn't have time to really wonder why he didn't feel his heart catch in his throat. There was blood everywhere.

The pool of it he remained in had seeped out from under him and what remained of his left leg. His right arm was a different story. It was completely gone. Blood soaked his shirt, the stain expanding towards the chest. He didn't even lift his head.

"Brother!" Alphonse cried out in horrified alarm, realizing that his voice echoed peculiarly within his now seemingly hollow self. "What happened to you?" He looked down at his own hands, realizing in alarm that his hands weren't _really_ 'his' at all… "And me!" he would have sobbed if his new body would permit it. "What happened to _me_?" Steel and leather; these hands belonged to that suit of armor up against the wall. A suit of armor that was no longer there. A suit of armor that was… him.

Ed didn't move. He couldn't bear to look into that cold steel helm that was now his little brother's face. He couldn't stand the thought. What a horrible, loathsome thing he had done to him. He was the worst brother in all existence for killing his only sibling and then attaching his soul to that cold, unfeeling thing, and he was the worst son in the entire world for making that sin against god to replace his mother. "I bound your soul to the suit of armor in the corner," he mumbled. "All I could get for one arm was your soul. It was the best I could do."

Al pulled his bloody older brother into his arms. Ed had always seemed 'big' to him. Strong and willful, and full of determination. Now he was considerably larger than his older sibling. Ed seemed so small and lifeless now. All this blood everywhere… Al mentally choked, realizing that at this rate, he wouldn't last very long. "Brother, why..?" He didn't get an answer. Something occurred to him, however. He didn't look away from Ed, despite the crimson mess. "What about Mom..?" he asked, the fear creeping into his voice.

"Don't look," Ed said, his voice unafraid, but bitter and pained instead. "It's not even human…"

Still clutching Ed, Al turned to look very slowly.

In the middle of the transmutation array was the result of their work; their prize for what they had lost. It was the most horrifying thing he'd ever seen in his entire life. A ghastly face stared at him, upside-down with dead eyes. It was surrounded in a pool of blood, likely its own. Al looked away before he could observe it any further, and realized to his distress that he couldn't even close his eyes to feebly block out the image in his mind. Did he even have a mind anymore..?

--But the blood! It was pooling around them now, and Ed's gold eyes were getting foggy. What could he do? He was just one boy in a suit of armor. Could he even walk in this strange body? He would have to go to the Rockbells'… Pinako was the only one around to help his brother now, and this new body would have to permit him to bring him there….

* * *

Running clumsily along the path to Pinako's, Alphonse could remember wishing once that he couldn't cry. He has been playing outside and had fallen and scraped his knees on the path. Ed led him home by the hand and Mother had fixed up his scrapes. Mother had commented on what a good big brother Ed was, bringing his little brother home when he hurt himself. Al had felt like such a baby, crying over something that Edward was probably "too big" to be bothered by.

Right now was different. Right now, having to be the one to bring his big brother 'home' to get fixed up, he would have given anything to cry.

* * *

Pinako Rockbell thought herself to be a reasonable woman. She was old and she was tough and she was respected, and that was the way she liked it. In this rural little country town, everyone knew her face and she knew everyone's in return. In her years, she had seen her share of battered war heroes, coming to her to heal and to get prosthetics to replace the limbs they had lost. Some even went the extra mile and endured the suffering for automail limbs—metal and mechanical arms and legs that functioned almost like real ones. They were attached to the nerves and could be controlled the same way as flesh and blood limbs, sans feeling beyond the pain of grafting.

She prided herself in being an automail mechanic. She thought she was doing service to the world. She had brought up a son who had given his life in service to the war, and although the death of him and his wife came as a blow, Pinako felt in her heart that his death was his way of serving a country he loved and wanted to help. In his and his wife's deaths, Pinako had been left with their daughter, Winry. It was hardly any time later that their neighbor down the road passed on, too, leaving behind her boys. Saddening, really.

However, it was like no feeling she'd ever felt before when the Elric boys—or what was left of them—showed up on her doorstep.

She was used to them. They were around during the day to play with Winry. Pinako had been looking after them since Trisha's death. They went home at night. She had been a little suspicious of their quiet plotting, but thought nothing of it. She didn't question their reasons for seeking an alchemy teacher.

When they showed up at her door in the middle of a dreary storm, however, she knew.

Human transmutation. Her suspicions were confirmed now… everything they had secretly worked towards was this. The sight of the two, even in all her experience, made the pipe fall from her mouth. The younger brother wasn't even a person any more. He was a massive suit of armor; a soul encased in steel. The older brother was an unconscious bleeding mess. An arm, a leg and a body were gone, and what did they have to show for it..?

* * *

Automail. On an eleven year old.

"I must be losing my mind in my old age," Pinako thought stiffly. Never had she given in to such a seemingly ludicrous request. _Automail on an eleven year old_. She had seen grown men cry during the surgery. She had seen hardened war heroes cringe and scream. And yet this little boy wanted an automail arm and leg for himself. Pinako still wasn't sure why she'd agreed. Maybe she was getting cold hearted in her old age and wanted the money. Maybe she was still a surgeon at heart and the idea of helping someone who needed her still appealed to her. Maybe the thought of Ed continuing his life without that arm was hard. (He could get a regular prosthetic leg, but the arm..?) Maybe it was the look in his eyes when he said he wanted it.

Those eyes were not afraid.

And if those eyes were unafraid, they were all the consent she needed to give mechanical limbs to a kid. She would start reviving those nerve endings the next morning, and they could begin the surgery within the week.

…if those eyes weren't going to back down, then like hell Pinako Rockbell would.

Edward Elric would get his automail.


	4. 2nd Lieutenant

_**Author's Note:** This one was hard to write. Staying simulanteously canon to the manga and anime when it came to Maria Ross was kind of tough. I couldn't mention any of that hug thing in Lab 5 because that was from the anime and so on. It's not too great. Anyway, hopefully the brotherly part at the beginning makes up for it. Thanks for reading..! You guys are such nice reviewers. :D  
_

* * *

A cry, and fist slammed soundlessly on sweat soaked sheets. A blonde head wrenched back in agony, teeth clenched, hand clawing at said sheets as thought it held back the pain. His back arched a little as the pain ripped through the places where limbs once were, struggling feebly against the urge to scream until it stopped. Another cry, followed by a series of rapid breaths. Sweat beaded on a form fighting with all it had to last in "the war". He was not going to scream, because he knew Alphonse was out in the hall. 

He was not going to scream because he knew his brother would get upset.

He was not going to scream because he would know he was losing "the war", and it was one he was going to win even if he had to lie like this in agonized misery until it was over—however long that was.

His chest rose and fell with the rapid breathing. Gold eyes were squeezed shut, brows furrowed. He hardly noticed when Winry changed the cool cloth on his forehead because the magnitude of the pain emanating from where his arm and leg once were was too enormous. He was starting to loathe the machine for doing its job.

After some time, the amount of which he couldn't be certain, the severity decreased. How long had it been? Minutes? Hours? Even after it had stopped—for now—he was still hurting, and his breathing didn't slow up much. He felt hot all over, and sweat had beaded over much of his body.

"There's a fever that often comes with the surgery," Pinako informed from somewhere to his left, almost as though she were capable of reading his mind. "We'll see about the nerves when you're a little better."

"Where's Al?" The voice was choked, as though it had faded from all the screaming he didn't let himself do.

"He's out in the hall still, I expect," said Pinako.

His throat tightened involuntarily at the thought of that suit of armor. "…It's my fault Al has that body… He can't eat, sleep, hurt or feel…" A shaking solitary fist grabbed at the sheets again. "He hates me! He definitely hates me!"

"That's not true," Winry tried to assure.

"Now, now," said Pinako, her voice ever consistently remaining the solid voice of reason. "Al isn't the sort of boy who would hate you. Ask him and you'll see."

"I'm afraid to," he answered, a voice more afraid of asking a question than suffering through automail surgery. "I'm too scared to ask… So I have to get him back to normal as soon as I can…" And something ran quietly down the side of his face, but not because of the pain.

* * *

There were always very distinct things Ed didn't like about the military. It wasn't the prospect of having "sold his soul" to the state, however. It was particular things like Colonel Sarcasm's bad habit of racing towards anything female, or Lieutenant Havoc's habit of smoking a meter from you so all the smoke drifted into your face. Maybe it also had something to do with the lousy color of the uniforms (which he thankfully didn't wear because of his alchemist status. There was no way he was dressing up like those ranking military dorks.). 

And then there was the fact that they were all adults. He fancied himself to be one, now and then, but such dreams were promptly squashed by the looks he received from the upper military ranks. Or worse yet, the way they avoided telling him things. Edward had to wonder if anyone besides him found things to dislike about the place.

Maria Ross thought the military was great. It was her job of choice, serving the country. She could be a strong woman this way, with her hair cut short and a gun at her side. She could be of service to her country, and she wondered if anyone could dislike such a wonderful job. And then she met Edward and Alphonse.

Edward, with his adolescent disrespect of Colonel Mustang, and his impolite slouching in front of officers of higher ranks. He even palled around with Lt. Colonel Hughes. He had a somewhat slack attitude towards the state, as though it didn't fill him with pride to be helping his country, and he could care less if his friends were ranking officers or regular guys. And somehow, he still held onto his pocket watch.

…a kid like that could be a state alchemist?

And Alphonse, loyally following his brother wherever he went, no matter how far from headquarters. The armor was a tad bit baffling. Fourteen, and he was that tall? But she never really thought about it. Was there some reason that he could stand watching his brother in servitude to a military no child should be able to join? They were in this together somehow.

It didn't matter at first. Edward was some kid in the military. Her life had nothing to do with his. In time, she came to his aid more than once. What? They were orders, and she was following them. Nothing was wrong with that. After awhile it stopped being a matter of orders, and became a matter of caring. Edward was displaced and sometimes irate, and what he really needed was someone to look out for him. In any case, Maria Ross was more than happy to try.

It was raining that day.

Ed went furiously stomping down the hall after having to report back to his superior. Ross encountered Mustang just outside his office not much later.

"That kid needs to learn to control himself," Roy said with a calm voice laced only vaguely with irritation.

Maria smiled sympathetically. "He's just a boy, sir."

"No excuse," mumbled the colonel, fumbling in his pocket for his watch to check the time. "He knew what he was getting into, and I'd kick him right out on his ass if he wasn't such a good alchemist."

Ross doubted that. She couldn't picture anyone having the heart to kick Ed out of the military. To her, it was like a family. Your comrades were your brothers and sisters in the line of duty. In war, you'd die for each other, for your honor, and for your country. It was the warm embrace of the state.

"Taken a liking to Edward Elric?" asked Major Armstrong, one day as he observed the look on her face when Ed tossed her a casual 'hi' and wandered past.

"I guess you could say that," Ross said. "He just seems so—"

"I know what you mean. There's much to love about a promising boy like him."

"Yes. I heard they've never recruited someone so young. It's amazing! What _do_ they use the state alchemists for, though?"

"No one's safe from the threat of war," Armstrong said quietly, and Lieutenant Ross realized she'd never really given much thought to the prospect of using alchemy for warfare. "Not even the young and inexperienced. And I'm afraid it's the young and inexperienced that are often cut the deepest, if you understand, whether they see the battlefield or not…"

Suddenly the military seemed like a cold place to her.


End file.
